Birthday: Last person who guessed won a fat lip.

I'm better than anyone else when it comes to: Mooning on a dead run.

If I've learned one thing in life it's: You can't fight city hall, but you can drive by at night and egg it.

Favorite hobby: Collecting coins. Usually from mall fountains.

Occupation: Retired, but I do a lot of volunteer griping.

Personal heroes: I've got three... me, myself and I.

Three words that best describe me: Irritable, crabby and touchy.

Something I've never told anyone: "Thanks."

My epitaph would read: "What are you lookin' at, pal?"

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